Major Depressive Disorder

Everyone feels sad at times.  It’s not a disease.
Shit happens.
Get over it.
Have a beer.
Pray.
Be a man.
Grow a pair.
You don’t need Prozac,
You need a backbone.
Get off your duff
And get to work.

A healthy and intelligent son
In a supportive, middle-class, two-parent, two-sibling, Protestant household
In rural Oklahoma,
I knew
Depression is a made-up condition
For liberal West Coast hippies
Who’ve strayed from God’s path
And who have never earned an honest day’s living.

Then I went away to college,
To grad school,
To med school,
And tried to kill myself
By jumping
In front of a city bus.

It’s a serotonin imbalance in the brain.
I can trace the neural pathways for you;
I got an A in neuroscience.
But black textbook arrows through the amygdala don’t tell it:
The stasis that permeates one’s being,
Until your muscles feel sodden
And your thoughts struggle against a palpable, impenetrable grey.

Rise from bed every morning, O Sisyphus.
Fatigue.
Putrefaction.
Resignation.
Despair.
The entropic dissolution of vitality.

And
Even with selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors,
You turn to other remedies:
Coffee, cocaine, mutilation, masturbation,
Writing, reading, running, swimming,
Highway driving at 3 AM, 110 mph, windows down, radio up, headlights off.

Anything
To dispel,
For a fleeting instant,
The lassitude, stillness, and weight
Of this disease
That we all know
Is merely an excuse
For laziness.

Author: Thoughts, MD

Itinerant doctor | Intermittent blogger | Dilettante Photographer

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s